


less never than alive

by samcaarter



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s01e18 Solitudes, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, aka one is hurt and the other needs comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samcaarter/pseuds/samcaarter
Summary: They've been on Earth the whole time. Sam doesn't handle it too well
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 21
Kudos: 81





	less never than alive

He feels stuffed with cotton when he slowly regains consciousness.

The blissful oblivion is quickly wearing off, but fortunately not the painkillers. That is if he's on any. He isn't going to rule out the possibility that he's simply dead just yet.

Last thing he remembers is feeling relief that Carter had made it out of the cave. Even if there was no hope for him, he knew she'd survive. It meant his job as her CO was done. 

He remembers that. And he remembers being cold. So cold that sunshine and summer seemed like made up concepts. Fairy tales, to make young children behave. He remembers thinking that he'd never be warm again.

But he is warm now. Slightly too warm even. Maybe he is dead and this is hell.

Making a herculean effort, Jack opens his eyes and blinks. The ceiling is white, and it's definitely a man made ceiling, not ice, so that's promising. He doubts there are buildings in hell. Or heaven for that matter.

Moving his arm proves to be more challenging, but in a moment he manages it. He wiggles his fingers slowly, marveling at the simple gesture. Miraculously, there's still no pain.

"Are you awake?" A small voice asks from somewhere to his left.

Turning his head he sees Carter. She's sitting in a chair next to his bed with one leg folded underneath her, the foot of the other planted firmly right on the edge of the chair. Her chin rests on top of her folded hands on her knee and she looks like crap.

"Carter," he says. It's barely a cracked whisper, his throat feels like sandpaper, and he grimaces.

She seems to know what he needs because she immediately gets up and reaches for something on a stand next to his pillow. 

Not in the mood to argue, he accepts her help, drinking greedily, until all too soon she takes the glass away. "You shouldn't drink too much, sir."

"Says who?" 

"Says the doctor. The real doctor." She places the glass back and sits in her chair again.

Figuring he's going to have a word with whoever it is, he moves on to the more pressing matters. "Where are we?" 

"McMurdo," Carter says, staring down at her hands.

Jack frowns, that doesn't make any sense. "We've been rescued, haven't we?"

She nods, still not looking at him.

"Well then, why Antarctica? Why aren't we at Stargate Command?"

He doesn't miss her glancing at him for just a second, before she takes a deep breath, as if bracing herself. He has a bizarre thought that their Stargate was destroyed. But it still doesn't explain their location.

"You weren't in any condition to be moved, sir. And we, uh." She looks at him. Right at him and he suddenly notices how guilty she looks. It only confuses him more. "We, uh, we've been on Earth the whole time." The words tumble out of her mouth and she bites her lip.

Well, there it is, his confirmation. Now he's sure he's dead. Or at least dreaming, because this cannot be true. They couldn't have been on Earth this whole time. It's impossible. It just is.

"I'm sorry," Carter says, but her voice is breaking and eyes are filling with tears. It throws him off.

"What?" It's all he can manage.

"I put your life in danger. You should file a complaint. Or just fire me on the spot. You almost died because of me!" She stands up just as her voice rises in pitch, pushing the chair back and turning away from him. Clearly in distress.

He still has no idea what's going on.

"Carter, stop," he says, hoping it sounds like an order. "Stop talking and look at me." When she doesn't, he softens his voice. "Please."

She turns to face him, but keeps looking straight down. Standing almost at attention, with a tightly clenched jaw and fists, she looks ready to flee.

"Now start over. We're at McMurdo, because?" he prompts.

She takes a deep breath, meeting his eyes again. "The gate malfunctioned," she says slowly. "It sent Daniel and Teal'c through to Earth. And us to the nearest gate in the gate system. Which just happened to be on Earth. Buried under the ice in Antarctica."

Well, shit.

"We've been so close to home this whole time? Nuts." It is absolutely crazy and he grins.

Clearly it's not the reaction she expected from him. "You think it's funny?" 

"Yeah, I do. Don't you?"

"No, _sir_ , I don't. You want to know what I did while you were recovering from the surgery?" Taken aback by the vehemence in her voice he nods. "I went back to the site where they found us. And you know what I did there?" Her voice shakes and Jack recognizes what could be the beginning of a panic attack. "I dialed the Land of Light. And do you know what happened, _sir_?" Jack closes his eyes, already knowing the answer. "I got a connection. Right away." Tears spill from her eyes, but she doesn't look away. "My negligence almost killed you." Her voice finally breaks, and he wishes he was in any condition to hug her.

"No."

Sam nods. "Yes. And I take full responsibility for it. We uncovered the DHD on day two. If I had simply dialed another address, any address, I would've gotten you out of there. At least somewhere warm. We have allies in the Land of Light. They would've helped even if I couldn't dial back to Earth from their planet. But of course I would've been able to do just that and get you home. Are you so doped up that you don't understand that?" She's positively shaking and Jack figures enough is enough.

"Captain," he says. "Shut up. And breathe."

Her hand goes to cover her mouth, but whether it's to stop herself from talking or to stifle the sobs, he has no idea.

This is a lot of information to process, and he hasn't even been awake for half an hour. Not to mention he _is_ a little high on painkillers. Pressing his head back into the pillow, he tries to think.

"Have you told anyone else about this?"

"There's no need. A team from the SGC was down there when I dialed the Land of Light. They know the gate works." She sounds hollow, and Jack wonders if she got any sleep at all. If that's what’s making a defeatist out of her.

"There's no way you could've known," he tries.

Sam shakes her head. "Not good enough. Instead of disassembling the DHD, I should've tried another address. Just to make sure it doesn't work. But you ended up paying for this oversight, and, sir, I'm _so_ sorry." He hears the tears in her voice again, but he's just not sure how to get her to understand that it doesn’t matter.

He raises his hand gesturing to the side of his bed. "Sit down." 

She hesitates.

"I'm the injured party here, sit down," he says, immediately regretting mentioning his injury. Her face contorts in a grimace, but she sits down, his good little soldier.

"I also didn't think of dialing anywhere else," he says, deliberately making his voice gentle. "How did they find us?"

She clasps her hands together, giving herself something else to focus on. "When I dialed home, the gate in the SGC shook, and it gave Daniel an idea. He said that we were getting a busy signal."

"Because we were dialing our own number?" 

"Yeah."

He touches her arm, squeezing it lightly. "See? You got us out. You called for help. I'm alive thanks to you."

Anger flashes in her eyes as she glances at him. "No, sir, I didn't. Don't you see that-" 

"Ah!" he interrupts. "I'm alive, aren't I? I mean aren't I? This isn't some wacky dream or purgatory or something?"

"No, it's real. It's real, and I failed you."

"Carter, I feel like crap, but I also can feel my fingers and toes. Even my butt, which is always a nice thing. Can we not focus on what didn't happen, but on what did happen instead?" She stubbornly looks at her hands, so he squeezes her arm harder. "Sam?"

She still looks haunted when she turns her head. It reminds Jack of his own expression seen in the mirror after too many failed missions. Lives lost because of negligence or stupidity or plain old human error. But this isn't a failed mission. And he needs her to understand that.

“If you’d died,” she whispers, “I would've never really left that cave.”

"I know it's difficult," he says. "But you can't let what ifs take up any real estate in that big brain of yours. Not ever, and especially not in our line of work."

Her eyes are still glassy, but she nods, taking a deep shaking breath. 

"We're alive. We're safe. And we're hungry. Well, I’m hungry. That's what counts, okay?" 

"I'll need some time," she says quietly.

Jack nods, fair enough. "Like an hour?" She tilts her head, disapproval written plainly on her face. "Alright, alright." He raises both hands in mock defeat. "A day?" 

A small laugh falls from her lips and Jack grins. She's going to be okay.

Patting her arm, he leans back into the pillow. "We have two gates now, huh. Cool. Think you can rig the DHD, connect it to our gate? We'll save a couple of bucks turning it on."

Sam shifts on his cot to face him fully. "Actually-" 

He smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> I mean it makes sense why neither of them thought of dialing anywhere else. But it also doesn't. But it also does. What do you guys think?


End file.
